Four Things That May Surprise You About Religious Trauma
“Within fundamentalism, humans are trained towards passivity and codependence because of the emphasis put upon external guidance and divine control.”
Spiritual communities are meant to be safe harbors of connection and goodwill. Especially among immigrant communities, they provide a sanctuary of resource sharing that is essential to surviving in a foreign place. But when power gets out of hand, religious communities can become a place of shame, control, guilt, and fear. Sometimes, the experience can leave someone with PTSD symptoms.
Recovering from religious trauma can be overwhelming and confusing. But know that there are many others in the same boat. Those who experience religious trauma share many of the same experiences which can demystify your recovery and help you feel less alone.
Here are four things that may surprise you about religious trauma:
Breaking away is just the beginning.
Before you finally left your religious community, there was probably something inside you that said “This is wrong.” Maybe it was a relentless voice that pushed you to leave as soon as possible to survive, or maybe it was a whisper that decided you couldn’t take this anymore. Whichever it was, you listened to your gut. Leaving may have been a gut-wrenching or painful decision, especially if you have a genuine relationship with God, or poured yourself into your religious community.
When you left, you may have initially felt the rush and relief of freedom, but experiencing religious trauma means the pain from the past follows you, leaving you with unprocessed feelings and old survival mechanisms. In many cases, breaking free is just the beginning. It’s the beginning of deconstructing your previous experiences and what you believe. The beginning of rebuilding a faith that is more genuine to your relationship with God or rejecting beliefs you previously followed. The most complex part of deconstructing religion is that religion often encompasses your worldview, identity, community, and your lifestyle; so recovering from religious trauma can be an intense process of unpacking your lived experience and who you are.
2. Leaving a toxic religious community can lead to feelings of loss or grief.
Even though a religious community may have been toxic, leaving it may lead to a period of mourning. The loss of God can be profound, like losing a parent. You may grieve the pain and trauma that the religious community caused you. You may mourn the loss of a community that, regardless of its imperfections, made you feel like you belonged to something bigger.
Acknowledging and normalizing your grief is a major step in healing.
3. Perfectionism often goes hand-in-hand with religious trauma.
Many survivors of religious trauma had perfectionistic standards placed onto their shoulders. Especially if implied or explicit threats of hell were involved, this can lead to lingering anxiety that stays in your nervous system. Feeling like you are never good enough (for God, or for others) is one of the most toxic aspects of religious perfectionism. It can negatively color your self-worth and damage your trust in yourself.
Healing can mean breaking free from black and white doctrine that leaves no room for error. It can also mean retraining your nervous system to feel safe again so you know that you can be imperfect and still be safe.
4. Deconstructing and reconstructing your faith can mean taking back your identity.
There is a whole slew of things religious deconstruction and reconstruction can include. It can include recovering from fundamentalist purity culture or validating pain that was repressed due to toxic positivity. It can include unearthing the painful history of your religion, including racial trauma, colonialism, transphobia, or homophobia.
No matter which issues resonate strongly with you, de/reconstruction ultimately means you are healing. By re-evaluating shaming messages, you are taking back those parts that were taken from you.
Recovering from religious trauma is a journey, but you don’t have to go on it alone. You can find support and education online through various resources. Our blog will continue to explore religious trauma and what it means for you. You can find our previous posts on relevant topics like religious trauma, PTSD, and complex PTSD.
If you need a mental health professional to help you better understand your religious trauma, you can book a free consultation with our therapist matchmaker. (California residents only). We provide virtual online therapy and have therapists who are trained in EMDR therapy. We also offer many different types of trauma therapy groups in addition to the Women’s Support Group mentioned above. All of our therapists specialize in trauma informed care, and informed trauma therapy.
Want to read more about religious trauma? You’ve come to the right place! Here are all of our blogs talking about religious trauma:
Four Things That May Surprise You About Religious Trauma
Religious Trauma + Emotional Manipulation
Religious Trauma + Sexual Repression
Religious Trauma and Delayed Sexual Development
All therapists at Woven Together Trauma Therapy are trauma-informed and specialize in treating all forms of trauma. We also offer EMDR, Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy, and Brainspotting which has shown to be extremely effective in treating and healing trauma. Want to read more about our unique therapy options?
These blogs talk more about the basics of EMDR:
You can read more about Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy here:
If you would like to learn more about Brainspotting, check out our blog: What is Brainspotting?
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