Everything You Need to Know About Premarital Counseling

couples therapypremarital counseling
Written By Lauryn Lucido, LMFT

What is premarital counseling?

Most people who have heard the term “premarital counseling” tend to associate it with therapy for only engaged couples, and oftentimes with a priest/pastor. However, premarital counseling is an option for any couples who are either engaged, considering marriage, or considering what it would look like to commit to their partner long-term. Premarital counseling can be for any couple who may want to work through some differences and ask the hard questions before committing to a marriage.

What topics are covered in premarital counseling?

Premarital counseling addresses the relational dynamic between partners while discussing topics such as sex, finances, goals, values, expectations, and family backgrounds. It includes addressing your views on marriage and commitment while working to improve your communication skills with your partner. The hope is that you will leave premarital counseling knowing more about yourself and your partner!

What if my partner and I aren’t sure if we want to be married?

Premarital counseling can help you to actually determine if you want to be married in the first place. After intentionally discussing the topics that you and your partner might be avoiding or having a hard time talking about, you can then make an informed decision about the direction of the relationship. 

How long does premarital counseling typically last?

Premarital counseling usually takes a couple of months, but can also turn into couples therapy depending on the situation. Some couples find they can address all of what they need to in a few months and are able to make a decision about the direction of the relationship at that point. Some couples start off in premarital counseling but then transition to couples therapy, especially if one or both partners have any trauma that affects their ability to commit. You can talk about this with your therapist along the way to make sure your needs are being met in the therapy process.

What can I do to prepare for premarital counseling?

There is nothing you need to do before coming to premarital counseling. You are welcome to take our attachment quiz or read a few blogs to create some insight into how you operate and how that might affect your relationship, but it is not necessary. If you want to move forward with premarital counseling or have any questions, you can sign up for a free 30-minute consultation with our therapist matchmaker to find the therapist who is the best fit for you. (California residents only). We provide online therapy and have therapists who are trained in EMDR therapy. We also offer many different types of trauma therapy groups. All of our therapists specialize in trauma-informed care, and informed trauma therapy. Wishing you and your partner the best in your relationship!

All therapists at Woven Together Trauma Therapy are trauma-informed and specialize in treating all forms of trauma. We also offer EMDR therapy, Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy, and Brainspotting therapy which all have shown to be extremely effective in treating and healing trauma. Want to read more about our unique therapy options?

These blogs talk more about the basics of EMDR therapy:

You can read more about Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy here:

If you would like to learn more about Brainspotting therapy, check out our blog: What is Brainspotting?

Blog
How to Safely Talk to Loved Ones About Your Trauma, Part II
How to Safely Talk to Loved Ones About Your Trauma, Part II

So, you have an idea of what you want to say to a loved one about what you’ve gone through. You’ve thought about what might come up for you, and practiced soothing yourself in different ways. So what’s next? Planning for what you might specifically need from the conversation and person you’ll be telling. Let's talk about it.

What are the 3 Phases of Trauma Therapy?
What are the 3 Phases of Trauma Therapy?

I have had many patients come to therapy with me and say that talk therapy has not been helpful for them. Specifically, I hear the same complaint over and over: I felt like all I did was talk and open up, and I didn’t feel like there was a direction to therapy. When I hear complaints like this, I always want to start with some education about what trauma therapy looks like. Let's dive in.

Growing Through Grief
Growing Through Grief

Oomph, so you lost something. You lost something or someone that you loved. We often go so fast as a society, we celebrate the successes and wins, and we tend to ignore the pain associated with loss and grief, or put a time limit on it. Especially non-death-related grief and loss. This is an awful reality to endure for someone grieving. Let’s dive into how processing grief may look as a trauma survivor.

How to Safely Talk to Loved Ones About Your Trauma, Part I
How to Safely Talk to Loved Ones About Your Trauma, Part I

So, you’ve accepted that you get triggered pretty regularly because of What Happened, which is huge. It took so long to stop feeling like you were just “acting out for no reason,” and even if you still suspect you’re milking this whole trauma timeline, you also know you deserve a little bit more peace. In this blog post series, we’ll be covering how to have as safe and as containing of a conversation as possible with your loved ones about your trauma.

What’s a Timeout Protocol?
What’s a Timeout Protocol?

If you often find yourself in conflict with your partner which leads to yelling, there are a few things you can try to help create an environment for more productive conversation can occur. There should be very few reasons for you to yell or be yelled at, so trying a timeout protocol may help limit this way of engaging in conflict. 

Demystifying Dissociation: Derealization and Depersonalization
Demystifying Dissociation: Derealization and Depersonalization

For many people with PTSD and trauma-related disorders, “dissociation” is a term that can seem scary and stigmatized. It can be important to demystify and educate ourselves on dissociation to better understand and validate our experiences.

Shame: What Is It and What Can We Do About It?
Shame: What Is It and What Can We Do About It?

What is shame? The dictionary definition is “a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming or impropriety.” One study even defined shame as “negative emotions in which the feeling of global self-evisceration is experienced.” Global self-evisceration. Oof! Shame is extremely unpleasant and painful, and it can affect one’s identity and self-esteem. 

Racial Trauma and Intersectionality
Racial Trauma and Intersectionality

Many people are familiar with the idea of intersectionality, or how different aspects of our identities intersect with one another to make us who we are as people. What are the different ways that racial trauma shows up in our lives? Let’s dive in.

Psilocybin-Assisted Trauma Treatment, Part III
Psilocybin-Assisted Trauma Treatment, Part III

Psilocybin, the active ingredient in psychedelic mushrooms, is probably going to be legalized for therapeutic use in the United States in the next two years, and that’s on trauma treatment progress. Let’s dive into part III in what that may look like for trauma treatment.

How to Maintain Your Relationship in the Midst of Parenting
How to Maintain Your Relationship in the Midst of Parenting

There are five stages in the family life cycle and the stage of parenting is considered the most stressful. This is the time in which divorce rates are at their highest, sex is at its lowest and couples feel the most disconnected. Here are some ideas to help maintain your relationship during this hectic time.

Psilocybin-Assisted Trauma Treatment, Part II
Psilocybin-Assisted Trauma Treatment, Part II

We might be only a year or two away from legalizing psilocybin, the active ingredient in psychedelic mushrooms, for therapeutic use in the United States. Let’s talk about what that might look like for future trauma treatment.

5 Common EMDR Myths We Hear at Woven
5 Common EMDR Myths We Hear at Woven

With the well-earned buzz around this evidence-based approach to healing trauma, there are also plenty of misunderstandings. Let’s take a look at some common myths so that you are prepared to advocate for yourself and make decisions about your mental healthcare. 

What is Microaggressive Trauma for Asian Americans?
What is Microaggressive Trauma for Asian Americans?

Microaggressive trauma describes the excessive and continuous exposure to subtle interpersonal and systemic discrimination that lead to trauma symptoms like sensitivity to threat, anxiety, and hyperarousal.

Reparenting Your Inner Child: Healing the Past, Embracing the Present
Reparenting Your Inner Child: Healing the Past, Embracing the Present

When I ask myself: “What do all human beings have in common?” I always come to the same conclusion: we all have a wounded child that lives within us. That child may have been wounded by different systems and in different ways, but in the end, even if our identities are filled with privilege, we all have been injured, in one way or another in our early relational dynamics and that is part of being human.

What Should You Do With Your “Situationship”?
What Should You Do With Your “Situationship”?

What is a situationship, you ask? A situationship “is often discussed as being similar to a friends-with-benefits relationship, which usually involves sexual activity without a commitment to be exclusive to each other. The definition further explains that “a situationship is often described as a relationship that is more than friendship but less than a committed relationship.” So what are we to do if we find ourselves in one of these? Below are some ideas!

Psilocybin-Assisted Trauma Treatment, Part I
Psilocybin-Assisted Trauma Treatment, Part I

We’re in our shrooms era. That’s right. I said it. Psilocybin is having a glow-up in the psychotherapeutic community, and we are excited about what that means for future trauma treatments.

Lauryn Lucido, LMFT
Previous

Four Things That May Surprise You About Religious Trauma
Next

Fall Fictional Reading List for 2021