Religious Trauma and Delayed Emotional Development
Why is it so hard to access my true feelings?
One of the most painful aspects of religious trauma is the way it teaches us to distrust our own emotions. In psychological research, we see that early life trauma results in developmental delays. This is because brain development can be interrupted by maltreatment, neglect, or abuse in adolescence or childhood. You can read more about other ways religious trauma affects development, such as delayed relational development and delayed sexual development, in my other blog posts.
A common teaching in many Christian cultish environments is Cartesian dualism, or the notion that our bodies and our minds are separate. Specifically, this dualism demonizes our “flesh” and glorifies our spirit or mind. We are taught to distrust our fleshly desires and submit to mindly self-abnegation. The problem with this is that it teaches us to distrust our own emotions and instincts, which psychology shows we experience in our bodies.
Here are some signs that you may struggle with delayed emotional development from religious trauma:
You can’t access your own internal world.
If you were taught that every fleeting thought you had was either from God or the devil, your internal world was not safe. Rather, it was the very grounds for spiritual warfare and possible damnation. While this may sound dramatic, early childhood messaging has a way of getting deep into our subconscious instincts and blocking our access to our own internal world.
In my practice, many of my religious trauma patients experience dissociation. This means that because our very own physical urges, emotions, and even passing thoughts were rendered unsafe by our religious environment, we may have to leave or repress our inner experiences to hold on to a semblance of safety. Sadly, this means we lose our very connection to our internal experiences and what makes us who we are.
2. It’s hard to trust your intuition.
Another aspect of distrusting our internal experiences is the denial of our own intuition.
Intuition is the inner wisdom inside us that just feels right. It’s the gut feeling that helps us to know what to do. There is a reason why the phrase “gut feeling” includes a body part. Our intuition is highly somatic, or experienced in our bodies.
Religious trauma teaches us that intuition is not to be trusted. When religious doctrine says that we are inherently evil and our bodies will lead us astray, we are taught to look outside of our intuition to know what to do. We look at religious leaders or texts to tell us what to do, rather than doing the very human thing of trusting our own gut.
In my own work, empowering patients to trust their own intuition and decision-making ability is a key focus of healing. I am repeatedly amazed by the resilience of my therapy patients and the incredible ways our bodies just know what is best to keep us safe. In therapy, I believe in the intuition of my patients and make it a priority to welcome it into the therapeutic space.
3. You struggle to make decisions that feel right.
If we distrust our intuition, we constantly doubt ourselves and our ability to make good decisions. Because gut feeling is what many times allows us to feel resolved about our decisions, religious trauma that gaslights our intuition leaves us highly anxious that we are doing the wrong thing. And doing the wrong thing feels catastrophic because the consequence is eternal damnation or intense, sinful shame.
Psychological research tells us that emotions are what motivates us. When religious trauma teaches us to distrust the very emotions that arise in us, it can lead us to spiral. Knowing what to do can feel both obsessive and impossible, a sign that you are experiencing delayed emotional development from religious trauma.
What do I do now?
If you feel that you are experiencing any of these symptoms of religious trauma, there are many steps you can take to start reclaiming your intuition. Our monthly religious trauma membership offers countless resources for survivors of cults.
If you are interested in getting professional support, you can book a free consultation with our therapist matchmaker to explore online individual (CA residents only) for religious trauma.
