Queer Religious Trauma

Written By Moriah Conant M.A.

If you are someone who identifies as part of the LGBTQIA+ community, religion can be a tricky beast as queerness is not usually celebrated in most church communities. For some people, religion can feel a protective, risky, or a combination of the two. What’s worse: many Christian faith traditions believe that you cannot identify as LGBTQIA+ and be a Christian. This false dichotomy (making someone believe that there are only 2 choices available) often forces them to choose between these identities: Christian or Queer. The conflict between religion and LGBTQIA+ identities may often feel very distressing for you, and I’m here to tell you that you are not alone. 

Some experiences that you might have had if you identify as LGBTQIA+ and grew up in a Christian community:

  • Being told that you can’t serve in leadership because of your LGBTQIA+ identity

  • Hearing from leadership in your community that LGBTQIA+ individuals will be “eternally condemned”

  • Religious leaders refusing to officiate your wedding or acknowledge your marriage

  • People telling you that your LGBTQIA+ identity is the result of a demon possession

  • Church leaders stating that “it was a tragedy that other teens were assaulted, but you deserved to be sexually assaulted because of your sexual orientation” 

  • Guardians or religious leaders forcing you to attend conversion “therapy” to change your sexual orientation or gender identity

These experiences can leave you with religious trauma that can take years of untangling and healing.

Religion often sits at the core of who we are, it guides our belief systems, and our family dynamics are often centered around church or core religious beliefs. Religious environments can be intense and full of emotion. When these intense and emotional environments become coercive, overpowering, manipulating, and rigid, they become abusive and traumatic.

If you are looking to learn more about religious trauma: check out our blog What is Religious Trauma? You can also learn more on our religious trauma page.

For LGBTQIA+ individuals who grew up in Christian faith traditions, they may have experienced “little t” religious trauma or “big T” religious Trauma. Maybe you didn’t experience “big T” Trauma because you didn’t have a difficult coming out experience, or you weren’t sent to conversion therapy. Maybe you carry “little t” trauma because your father frequently made comments about how you were too feminine, or not manly enough to be a Man of God. 

Negative messages from your religious community can also lead to internalized cissexism and heterosexism. Not sure what that is, or if you are experiencing internalized homophobia or internalized transphobia? We wrote a blog about that too!

The experiences that we have growing up can have long-lasting impacts on our mental health and identities.

If you experienced religious trauma related to your sexual orientation or gender identity, it may feel difficult to integrate your spirituality or religious beliefs with your identity as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community. Some of this integration work you can do on your own:

  • This website lists many resources for individuals who are interested in integrating their religious beliefs and their LGBTQIA+ identities. It includes resources for Judaism, Christianity, Islam, and other communities.

However, because a lot of trauma occurs in relationships, relationships are very important for healing trauma. Individual therapy and support groups can be crucial in your healing process.

Therapy, whether individual or group, can help you begin to develop a sense of safety, process through your trauma, identify the values and identities that are important to you, and build supportive and accepting relationships. Working with a trustworthy therapist or therapy group can demonstrate what a safe and healthy relationship can be like.

If you are a California resident and would like to try therapy with a trauma-informed therapist specializing in LGBTQIA+ trauma, you can set up a free 30-minute consultation with our therapist matchmaker below. 

Learn more about our approach to trauma therapy

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