Queer Religious Trauma

Written By Moriah Conant M.A.

If you are someone who identifies as part of the LGBTQIA+ community, religion can be a tricky beast as queerness is not usually celebrated in most church communities. For some people, religion can feel a protective, risky, or a combination of the two. What’s worse: many Christian faith traditions believe that you cannot identify as LGBTQIA+ and be a Christian. This false dichotomy (making someone believe that there are only 2 choices available) often forces them to choose between these identities: Christian or Queer. The conflict between religion and LGBTQIA+ identities may often feel very distressing for you, and I’m here to tell you that you are not alone. 

Some experiences that you might have had if you identify as LGBTQIA+ and grew up in a Christian community:

  • Being told that you can’t serve in leadership because of your LGBTQIA+ identity

  • Hearing from leadership in your community that LGBTQIA+ individuals will be “eternally condemned”

  • Religious leaders refusing to officiate your wedding or acknowledge your marriage

  • People telling you that your LGBTQIA+ identity is the result of a demon possession

  • Church leaders stating that “it was a tragedy that other teens were assaulted, but you deserved to be sexually assaulted because of your sexual orientation” 

  • Guardians or religious leaders forcing you to attend conversion “therapy” to change your sexual orientation or gender identity

These experiences can leave you with religious trauma that can take years of untangling and healing.

Religion often sits at the core of who we are, it guides our belief systems, and our family dynamics are often centered around church or core religious beliefs. Religious environments can be intense and full of emotion. When these intense and emotional environments become coercive, overpowering, manipulating, and rigid, they become abusive and traumatic.

If you are looking to learn more about religious trauma: check out our blog What is Religious Trauma? You can also learn more on our religious trauma page.

For LGBTQIA+ individuals who grew up in Christian faith traditions, they may have experienced “little t” religious trauma or “big T” religious Trauma. Maybe you didn’t experience “big T” Trauma because you didn’t have a difficult coming out experience, or you weren’t sent to conversion therapy. Maybe you carry “little t” trauma because your father frequently made comments about how you were too feminine, or not manly enough to be a Man of God. 

Negative messages from your religious community can also lead to internalized cissexism and heterosexism. Not sure what that is, or if you are experiencing internalized homophobia or internalized transphobia? We wrote a blog about that too!

The experiences that we have growing up can have long-lasting impacts on our mental health and identities.

If you experienced religious trauma related to your sexual orientation or gender identity, it may feel difficult to integrate your spirituality or religious beliefs with your identity as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community. Some of this integration work you can do on your own:

  • This website lists many resources for individuals who are interested in integrating their religious beliefs and their LGBTQIA+ identities. It includes resources for Judaism, Christianity, Islam, and other communities.

However, because a lot of trauma occurs in relationships, relationships are very important for healing trauma. Individual therapy and support groups can be crucial in your healing process.

Therapy, whether individual or group, can help you begin to develop a sense of safety, process through your trauma, identify the values and identities that are important to you, and build supportive and accepting relationships. Working with a trustworthy therapist or therapy group can demonstrate what a safe and healthy relationship can be like.

If you are a California resident and would like to try therapy with a trauma-informed therapist specializing in LGBTQIA+ trauma, you can set up a free 30-minute consultation with our therapist matchmaker below. 

Learn more about our approach to trauma therapy

Blog
Growing Through Grief
Growing Through Grief

Oomph, so you lost something. You lost something or someone that you loved. We often go so fast as a society, we celebrate the successes and wins, and we tend to ignore the pain associated with loss and grief, or put a time limit on it. Especially non-death-related grief and loss. This is an awful reality to endure for someone grieving. Let’s dive into how processing grief may look as a trauma survivor.

How to Safely Talk to Loved Ones About Your Trauma, Part I
How to Safely Talk to Loved Ones About Your Trauma, Part I

So, you’ve accepted that you get triggered pretty regularly because of What Happened, which is huge. It took so long to stop feeling like you were just “acting out for no reason,” and even if you still suspect you’re milking this whole trauma timeline, you also know you deserve a little bit more peace. In this blog post series, we’ll be covering how to have as safe and as containing of a conversation as possible with your loved ones about your trauma.

Timeout Protocol
Timeout Protocol

If you often find yourself in conflict with your partner which leads to yelling, there are a few things you can try to help create an environment for more productive conversation can occur. There should be very few reasons for you to yell or be yelled at, so trying a timeout protocol may help limit this way of engaging in conflict. 

Demystifying Dissociation: Derealization and Depersonalization
Demystifying Dissociation: Derealization and Depersonalization

For many people with PTSD and trauma-related disorders, “dissociation” is a term that can seem scary and stigmatized. It can be important to demystify and educate ourselves on dissociation to better understand and validate our experiences.

Shame: What Is It and What Can We Do About It?
Shame: What Is It and What Can We Do About It?

What is shame? The dictionary definition is “a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming or impropriety.” One study even defined shame as “negative emotions in which the feeling of global self-evisceration is experienced.” Global self-evisceration. Oof! Shame is extremely unpleasant and painful, and it can affect one’s identity and self-esteem. 

Racial Trauma and Intersectionality
Racial Trauma and Intersectionality

Many people are familiar with the idea of intersectionality, or how different aspects of our identities intersect with one another to make us who we are as people. What are the different ways that racial trauma shows up in our lives? Let’s dive in.

Psilocybin-Assisted Trauma Treatment, Part III
Psilocybin-Assisted Trauma Treatment, Part III

Psilocybin, the active ingredient in psychedelic mushrooms, is probably going to be legalized for therapeutic use in the United States in the next two years, and that’s on trauma treatment progress. Let’s dive into part III in what that may look like for trauma treatment.

How to Maintain Your Relationship in the Midst of Parenting
How to Maintain Your Relationship in the Midst of Parenting

There are five stages in the family life cycle and the stage of parenting is considered the most stressful. This is the time in which divorce rates are at their highest, sex is at its lowest and couples feel the most disconnected. Here are some ideas to help maintain your relationship during this hectic time.

Psilocybin-Assisted Trauma Treatment, Part II
Psilocybin-Assisted Trauma Treatment, Part II

We might be only a year or two away from legalizing psilocybin, the active ingredient in psychedelic mushrooms, for therapeutic use in the United States. Let’s talk about what that might look like for future trauma treatment.

5 Common EMDR Myths We Hear at Woven
5 Common EMDR Myths We Hear at Woven

With the well-earned buzz around this evidence-based approach to healing trauma, there are also plenty of misunderstandings. Let’s take a look at some common myths so that you are prepared to advocate for yourself and make decisions about your mental healthcare. 

What is Microaggressive Trauma for Asian Americans?
What is Microaggressive Trauma for Asian Americans?

Microaggressive trauma describes the excessive and continuous exposure to subtle interpersonal and systemic discrimination that lead to trauma symptoms like sensitivity to threat, anxiety, and hyperarousal.

Reparenting Your Inner Child: Healing the Past, Embracing the Present
Reparenting Your Inner Child: Healing the Past, Embracing the Present

When I ask myself: “What do all human beings have in common?” I always come to the same conclusion: we all have a wounded child that lives within us. That child may have been wounded by different systems and in different ways, but in the end, even if our identities are filled with privilege, we all have been injured, in one way or another in our early relational dynamics and that is part of being human.

What Should You Do With Your “Situationship”?
What Should You Do With Your “Situationship”?

What is a situationship, you ask? A situationship “is often discussed as being similar to a friends-with-benefits relationship, which usually involves sexual activity without a commitment to be exclusive to each other. The definition further explains that “a situationship is often described as a relationship that is more than friendship but less than a committed relationship.” So what are we to do if we find ourselves in one of these? Below are some ideas!

Psilocybin-Assisted Trauma Treatment, Part I
Psilocybin-Assisted Trauma Treatment, Part I

We’re in our shrooms era. That’s right. I said it. Psilocybin is having a glow-up in the psychotherapeutic community, and we are excited about what that means for future trauma treatments.

What is Inclusive Therapy for Asian American and Pacific Islanders (AAPI)? 
What is Inclusive Therapy for Asian American and Pacific Islanders (AAPI)? 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “I felt like my White therapist just didn’t get it” or “I quit therapy when my therapist told me to just set boundaries with my immigrant parents.” Don’t get me wrong, I think any therapist of any race can be culturally inclusive with the right training, consideration, and sensitivity. For example, I trust the diverse team here at Woven to be thoughtful of issues of (de)colonization, Asian American frame switching, and being flexible with interventions to consider unique aspects of identity.

Somatic Awareness: Learning how to read your body’s story
Somatic Awareness: Learning how to read your body’s story

Throughout my practice as a somatic trauma therapist, I see patients whose painful experiences muted their connection to the body. For trauma survivors, focusing on their body sensations - even if only for a brief second - can become extremely overwhelming because it brings them back to their experiences of being neglected, abandoned, or abused.  Let’s explore the concept of somatic awareness and to help trauma survivors understand why this practice holds the key to understanding emotions, traumas, and overall well-being.   

Ask a Therapist: What does healing from trauma look like? With Megan Bakva, ASW
Ask a Therapist: What does healing from trauma look like? With Megan Bakva, ASW

You may be feeling vulnerable, hopeful, anxious, excited, uncertain, fearful, or any combination of emotions as you await your first session. Questions like what to expect during a 90-minute intake, what does a regular 45-minute session look/feel like, or how to plan/prepare for therapy in general may be on your mind (or search history). This is completely normal! Megan Bakva, ASW talks about her approach to trauma therapy.

Moriah Conant M.A.
Previous

What Does “Somatic” Mean in Trauma Therapy?
Next

Religious Trauma and OCD