How to Survive the Holidays with your Partner
There are a lot of things happening during the holiday season. Because the holidays are usually very nostalgic for people, it’s almost like our brains are primed to remember all our childhood trauma. Right when you least want to deal with it. Right when everything is supposed to be festive and joyful and peaceful. Add in some dysfunctional dynamics from your own family, some dysfunctional dynamics from your partner’s family…Voilà! Merry, right? So how can we survive the holidays with our romantic relationship intact? Below are some ideas that might help.
Plan Ahead
There is so much planning involved with the holidays: traveling, packing, present buying, work schedules, etc. Sometimes it’s helpful to have a couple of planning meetings with your partner. You will be amazed how much you can nail down in 90 minutes. Make a plan for where/when you are going/staying & how you plan to communicate that information to the necessary parties, what you will be purchasing or bringing, and when you can schedule a follow-up meeting a week later to check on the progress. Because of all the dynamics at play, sometimes we just need to set aside time to make a plan together so you both can be on the same page. Without this devoted time, you might run the risk of unmet expectations and feeling a little disconnected.
Communicate
There is so much happening internally for all of us during the holidays. There may be some reminders of past trauma perhaps or current life stressors, all with a lot of pressure for things to be feeling great for everyone. It’s supposed to be “the most wonderful time of the year” in case you were unaware. However, whether it be unanticipated weather, sickness, or family drama at an all-time high, there are so many situations in which things don’t go according to plan (this may feel extra frustrating if you just spent so much time planning all the things out!). If things start to go awry, let your partner know. Share how you are feeling. Let them into your process. You might be feeling overwhelmed by all the festivities and changes in schedules, confused by how a family member is acting, sad if this is your first holiday season without a loved one, pressure for things to go perfectly, etc. Sometimes even a quick text while you are hiding in the bathroom can bring you together. Let your partner know what you are feeling and what you need to feel supported and prioritized.
Connect
Make some time for one another, even if that feels impossible with competing family engagements. Create some new traditions together and take some time to slow down. When you get to the place you are going, take five minutes in the car together before you head inside. Hold hands, kiss a little, and ask how each other is feeling about walking into whatever gathering you might be headed into. Taking just a few minutes to breathe together and talk will help you feel connected before anyone or anything starts to pull for your attention. Make sure to also check in with your partner after every family event to see how it went for them. You might be surprised (or not!) by what some people may say to your partner the second you leave to go grab some yummy appetizers. Making time and space for one another both before and after family events can help you feel more connected in the midst of all the busyness.
Hopefully the holidays are so fun for you and you feel even closer to your partner come January! If you happen to have some rougher experiences and are looking to do some processing with your partner post-holidays, feel free to schedule a free 30-minute consultation with our Therapist Matchmaker. She would be happy to get you connected to either me or one of our other therapists who provide couples therapy or couples intensives!
Interested in learning more about our unique approach to trauma therapy?
These blogs talk more about the basics of EMDR:
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