The Bittersweet Flavors of the Holiday Season                  

Written By Gabriela Ucrós AMFT

The ability our body has to remember goes beyond consciousness.

If this time of the year brings up anxiety, depression, hopelessness, or loneliness for you, your body can be at the center of it. With different versions of yourself remembering Christmas songs, the smell of hot cocoa, or even a cold breeze, moments related to this time of year and connecting with seasons past. For many people, the memories that arise are filled with joy and happiness, for others  - survivors of childhood trauma - the body remembers this season with complex emotions. Holding both loving and painful memories at the same time can be quite disorienting and confusing.

As a trauma therapist, I see my patients face challenges during the holiday season. I want to normalize the complexity of holding both memories of connection and pain during this time of year while helping us reflect on the importance of treating family, acquaintances, and friends from a place of compassion and gentleness having this gain awareness of the complexity of trauma. Finally, I want to give trauma survivors some tips to navigate the holidays, holding nuance, a sense of agency, and as I always say to my patients; options.

Trauma makes you feel like you don't have options, healing from trauma is realizing you do.    

Survivors of childhood trauma may experience paradoxical emotions or polarization during the holiday season, challenging different parts or versions of themselves. For example, there can be a part of you that remembers cooking Christmas dinner with your mother as the only way to connect with her during the year, and then a different part holding a lot of resentment and pain because even though there was connection, your mother may have been drunk and verbally abusive throughout the preparation of the food. There can even be another part holding guilt or shame thinking that it was your fault that your mother acted this way. The list of polarized parts or emotions could continue forever….     

We can never fully comprehend what people around us are experiencing in their internal world. Holding space for the paradox that the holiday season brings up for many trauma survivors, with gentleness and compassion, is the best gift we can give our friends and family. So think twice before judging or pushing someone at a party to behave or respond a certain way. 

Remember all we want for Christmas is… PEACE  

If you are a trauma survivor or you know a friend who might be, this list of tips might be helpful to go through the holiday season holding the complexity of this paradox:  

  1. Check-in with your body constantly during parties or events and bring yourself back to the present through your senses. What feels safe for me and my body right now?

  2. Check in with the different versions of yourself that might be getting triggered and give yourself the time and space to connect with them (use meditation or tapping). What do they need from you? How can you support them? How can you show up for them in ways they needed an adult in their life to show up? This is a beautiful opportunity to start reparenting your inner child. 

  3. Set clear boundaries. Do whatever feels right and good for you, try to avoid the pressure of doing something that feels uncomfortable for your body, follow your intuition, and surround yourself with people who feel safe and regulating for your nervous system. You matter. Your voice matters. And remember: you have options.

  4. Start a new tradition. As a way of rewiring your brain and building a new set of memories, get creative and start a new tradition for this time of year. 

You've got this  <3

Check in with yourself now. How are you feeling? Need some extra support? The holidays can be challenging and we could all use a little extra warmth and attuned connection during this time. Reach out today for a free 30-minute consultation to discover how trauma therapy can help you reach your wellness goals.

Interested in learning more about our unique approach to trauma therapy?

These blogs talk more about the basics of EMDR:

You can read more about Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy here:

Read more by Woven:

Blog
How to Navigate the Holidays with Complex Trauma
How to Navigate the Holidays with Complex Trauma

For many survivors of complex trauma, the holiday season can be an evocative time. It can bring up anxiety about setting boundaries with difficult family members, grief regarding the people you are not spending the holidays with, or a sense of gratitude about the past year of growth and healing. Let’s talk about how to navigate the holiday season with complex trauma

Read More →
How to Survive the Holidays with Your Family
How to Survive the Holidays with Your Family

In a sequel to the blog titled “How to Survive the Holidays with Your Partner,” I present to you some reflective questions and tips for how to cope with seeing family this holiday season!

Read More →
How to Safely Talk to Loved Ones About Your Trauma, Part III
How to Safely Talk to Loved Ones About Your Trauma, Part III

You’ve done a whole lot of preparation: you’ve thought of what you want to tell your loved one, why, which triggers might come up and how to soothe yourself accordingly, which questions you’ll field (and won’t), when to take breaks, and whether you want to talk about the impact of your trauma on your relationship with the person you’re telling. You’ve even practiced soothing with triggers and taking breaks as needed to help your central nervous system feel safe when you’re distressed. The question is, how do we translate all of that work into having the conversation itself? Let’s talk about it.

Read More →
5 Things That Will Kill Connection In Your Relationship
5 Things That Will Kill Connection In Your Relationship

There are many things that can lead to you no longer feeling connected to your partner or your relationship not functioning in the way you would like. Let’s dive into some key patterns that will kill the connection in your relationship.

Read More →
Demystifying Complex &amp; Complicated Grief
Demystifying Complex & Complicated Grief

Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s what our brains and our bodies do in reaction to the heartbreaking and devastating reality of loss. We humans are extremely resilient, and a vast majority of us will find a way back to living a meaningful life in our own time. Sometimes though, we can get derailed in that natural grieving process and that’s when it may be time to reach out for support. 

Read More →
How to Safely Talk to Loved Ones About Your Trauma, Part II
How to Safely Talk to Loved Ones About Your Trauma, Part II

So, you have an idea of what you want to say to a loved one about what you’ve gone through. You’ve thought about what might come up for you, and practiced soothing yourself in different ways. So what’s next? Planning for what you might specifically need from the conversation and person you’ll be telling. Let's talk about it.

Read More →
What are the 3 Phases of Trauma Therapy?
What are the 3 Phases of Trauma Therapy?

I have had many patients come to therapy with me and say that talk therapy has not been helpful for them. Specifically, I hear the same complaint over and over: I felt like all I did was talk and open up, and I didn’t feel like there was a direction to therapy. When I hear complaints like this, I always want to start with some education about what trauma therapy looks like. Let's dive in.

Read More →
Growing Through Grief
Growing Through Grief

Oomph, so you lost something. You lost something or someone that you loved. We often go so fast as a society, we celebrate the successes and wins, and we tend to ignore the pain associated with loss and grief, or put a time limit on it. Especially non-death-related grief and loss. This is an awful reality to endure for someone grieving. Let’s dive into how processing grief may look as a trauma survivor.

Read More →
How to Safely Talk to Loved Ones About Your Trauma, Part I
How to Safely Talk to Loved Ones About Your Trauma, Part I

So, you’ve accepted that you get triggered pretty regularly because of What Happened, which is huge. It took so long to stop feeling like you were just “acting out for no reason,” and even if you still suspect you’re milking this whole trauma timeline, you also know you deserve a little bit more peace. In this blog post series, we’ll be covering how to have as safe and as containing of a conversation as possible with your loved ones about your trauma.

Read More →
What’s a Timeout Protocol?
What’s a Timeout Protocol?

If you often find yourself in conflict with your partner which leads to yelling, there are a few things you can try to help create an environment for more productive conversation can occur. There should be very few reasons for you to yell or be yelled at, so trying a timeout protocol may help limit this way of engaging in conflict. 

Read More →
Demystifying Dissociation: Derealization and Depersonalization
Demystifying Dissociation: Derealization and Depersonalization

For many people with PTSD and trauma-related disorders, “dissociation” is a term that can seem scary and stigmatized. It can be important to demystify and educate ourselves on dissociation to better understand and validate our experiences.

Read More →
Shame: What Is It and What Can We Do About It?
Shame: What Is It and What Can We Do About It?

What is shame? The dictionary definition is “a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming or impropriety.” One study even defined shame as “negative emotions in which the feeling of global self-evisceration is experienced.” Global self-evisceration. Oof! Shame is extremely unpleasant and painful, and it can affect one’s identity and self-esteem. 

Read More →
Racial Trauma and Intersectionality
Racial Trauma and Intersectionality

Many people are familiar with the idea of intersectionality, or how different aspects of our identities intersect with one another to make us who we are as people. What are the different ways that racial trauma shows up in our lives? Let’s dive in.

Read More →
Psilocybin-Assisted Trauma Treatment, Part III
Psilocybin-Assisted Trauma Treatment, Part III

Psilocybin, the active ingredient in psychedelic mushrooms, is probably going to be legalized for therapeutic use in the United States in the next two years, and that’s on trauma treatment progress. Let’s dive into part III in what that may look like for trauma treatment.

Read More →
How to Maintain Your Relationship in the Midst of Parenting
How to Maintain Your Relationship in the Midst of Parenting

There are five stages in the family life cycle and the stage of parenting is considered the most stressful. This is the time in which divorce rates are at their highest, sex is at its lowest and couples feel the most disconnected. Here are some ideas to help maintain your relationship during this hectic time.

Read More →
Gabriela Ucrós AMFT https://woventraumatherapy.com/gabriela-ucros
Previous

Dissociation 101
Next

How to Survive the Holidays with your Partner