The Bittersweet Flavors of the Holiday Season
The ability our body has to remember goes beyond consciousness.
If this time of the year brings up anxiety, depression, hopelessness, or loneliness for you, your body can be at the center of it. With different versions of yourself remembering Christmas songs, the smell of hot cocoa, or even a cold breeze, moments related to this time of year and connecting with seasons past. For many people, the memories that arise are filled with joy and happiness, for others - survivors of childhood trauma - the body remembers this season with complex emotions. Holding both loving and painful memories at the same time can be quite disorienting and confusing.
As a trauma therapist, I see my patients face challenges during the holiday season. I want to normalize the complexity of holding both memories of connection and pain during this time of year while helping us reflect on the importance of treating family, acquaintances, and friends from a place of compassion and gentleness having this gain awareness of the complexity of trauma. Finally, I want to give trauma survivors some tips to navigate the holidays, holding nuance, a sense of agency, and as I always say to my patients; options.
Trauma makes you feel like you don't have options, healing from trauma is realizing you do.
Survivors of childhood trauma may experience paradoxical emotions or polarization during the holiday season, challenging different parts or versions of themselves. For example, there can be a part of you that remembers cooking Christmas dinner with your mother as the only way to connect with her during the year, and then a different part holding a lot of resentment and pain because even though there was connection, your mother may have been drunk and verbally abusive throughout the preparation of the food. There can even be another part holding guilt or shame thinking that it was your fault that your mother acted this way. The list of polarized parts or emotions could continue forever….
We can never fully comprehend what people around us are experiencing in their internal world. Holding space for the paradox that the holiday season brings up for many trauma survivors, with gentleness and compassion, is the best gift we can give our friends and family. So think twice before judging or pushing someone at a party to behave or respond a certain way.
Remember all we want for Christmas is… PEACE
If you are a trauma survivor or you know a friend who might be, this list of tips might be helpful to go through the holiday season holding the complexity of this paradox:
Check-in with your body constantly during parties or events and bring yourself back to the present through your senses. What feels safe for me and my body right now?
Check in with the different versions of yourself that might be getting triggered and give yourself the time and space to connect with them (use meditation or tapping). What do they need from you? How can you support them? How can you show up for them in ways they needed an adult in their life to show up? This is a beautiful opportunity to start reparenting your inner child.
Set clear boundaries. Do whatever feels right and good for you, try to avoid the pressure of doing something that feels uncomfortable for your body, follow your intuition, and surround yourself with people who feel safe and regulating for your nervous system. You matter. Your voice matters. And remember: you have options.
Start a new tradition. As a way of rewiring your brain and building a new set of memories, get creative and start a new tradition for this time of year.
You've got this <3
Check in with yourself now. How are you feeling? Need some extra support? The holidays can be challenging and we could all use a little extra warmth and attuned connection during this time. Reach out today for a free 30-minute consultation to discover how trauma therapy can help you reach your wellness goals.
Interested in learning more about our unique approach to trauma therapy?
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