5 Types of Gaslighting

Written By Quincee Gideon

What is gaslighting? 

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that causes the victim to question their sanity, their instincts, or their perception of events. You’ve probably experienced it, even if you didn’t have the words to describe what was happening to you. If you leave conversations feeling terribly guilty over someone else’s emotional experience or crazy about your own reactions, it’s time to assess whether there’s gaslighting at play. Hint: not all moments of disagreement involve gaslighting. This is a very particular response style that leaves the receiver feeling crazy, overreactive, and to blame for their own perception. 

Is gaslighting purposeful? 

Most gaslighting is purposeful because it has a specific intention to make someone else feel bad, crazy, or guilty, rather than talking about what is actually happening in the interaction.  In my years as a psychologist working with trauma, I’ve also learned that gaslighting can be a deeply embedded way of responding to others. So in that way, it can also happen in unconscious or non-purposeful ways.  

5 types of gaslighting: 

There are five different categories of gaslighting. I’m going to describe each one so you can be better equipped to see what is actually happening in your interpersonal interactions, rather than leave conversations feeling unnecessarily guilty and overwhelmed. 



➕ BLAMING TYPE: This type of gaslighting involves blaming someone else for minor or major things that might go wrong.  This usually comes with a lot of tension in the receiver of the gaslighting.  Somewhere along the way, you’ve likely learned that there’s a big emotional price to pay for upsetting someone else.  As the receiver of this type of gaslighting, you might know that if anything falls apart or goes badly, you’ll be blamed for it, rather than the gaslighter taking any responsibility for their participation.  Here are some examples: 

  •  “You made this all fall apart!”

  • “You make everything hard. Why are you acting like this?”

  • “I didn’t do that. You did!”




➕ ”YOU’RE CRAZY” TYPE: This type of gaslighting is when the gaslighter accuses others of being crazy, unreasonable, or needy when someone is having normal reactions to life circumstances. This leads people to question their needs or their initial reactions. This type of gaslighting might sound like: 

  •  “You’re crazy for questioning me! Have you lost your mind?!” 

  • “What?! Why are you acting like this? That’s crazy.”

  • “You read into everything. So crazy!”



➕ DENIAL TYPE: This type of gaslighting outright denies that something happened the way that it did. This makes you feel like your perception or feelings are completely invalid. This has some of the same flavors as the “You’re crazy” type of gaslighting, but it’s not usually accusing another person of losing touch with reality.  It’s just flat-out denial. It can sound like this: 

  •  “That didn’t happen. You’re making things up!”

  • “I don’t remember it happening that way.” 

  • “Several people were there and no one saw it that way.” 



➕ ”YOU’RE TOO SENSITIVE” TYPE: This is a type of gaslighting where the gaslighter accuses someone else of being too emotional or sensitive. This causes a person to feel unworthy of compassion or understanding from another because they believe their emotional needs are “too much” for someone else. This is especially useful on those that have low self-esteem and are vulnerable to criticism of their needs being too much.  If they grew up in households accusing them of feelings being too much or too often, then this type of gaslighting can go a long way. This type of gaslighting sounds like this: 

  • “You are always making a big deal out of nothing.” 

  • “Oh god, not again. Stop crying. This isn’t a big deal.” 

  • “You are always making a mountain out of a molehill.” 



➕ JOKING TYPE: This type of gaslighting happens when the gaslighter accuses someone of misreading hateful, dismissive, or threatening interactions in a relationship. This usually happens after some sort of explosion has happened (e.g. in domestic violence or other abusive interactions) and the gaslighter needs to downplay the severity of their behavior to the other. This type of gaslighting can sound like: 

  • “I was just joking” often follows any of your attempts to advocate for your needs. 

  • “Oh, come on. Lighten up! I was just joking.” 

  •  “You can’t take a joke!”



➕ ”NO ONE WILL BELIEVE YOU” TYPE: This final type of gaslighting is tough. This is when someone knows they are being manipulative and they are turning up the volume to 100. They know they’ve done wrong and that you’re not crazy, but they threaten you with social isolation if you were to tell your friends, family, or support system. This type of gaslighting typically sounds like this: 

  •  “Go ahead and tell people! No one will believe you!” 

  • “I dare you to tell someone. You’ll lose everything.”

  • “Go ahead and try. Everyone thinks you’re crazy anyways.”



Final thoughts

As you continue educating yourself on gaslighting, I want to provide a word of warning. Gaslighting is the denial of reality in order to make someone else feel stupid, crazy, or out of touch with reality. It functions to keep folks from being held accountable for their dismissive, terrifying, or abusive behavior.  But not all disagreements are cases of gaslighting. It’s important to know exactly what gaslighting is so that you can better protect yourself from these sort of unhelpful and downright unhealthy types of interactions.

Did you know that after years of experiencing gaslighting, we sometimes use the same tools on ourselves? One of our therapists who specializes in gaslighting talks about that here.

If you need a mental health professional to help you better understand gaslighting and its impact on relationships, you can sign up for a free 30-minute consultation with our therapist matchmaker (California residents only). We provide online therapy and have therapists who are trained in EMDR therapy. We also offer many different types of trauma therapy groups. All of our therapists specialize in trauma-informed care, and informed trauma therapy

If you are a religious trauma survivor and you’d like a low-key and no-pressure environment to learn more about what happened to you and how you can heal, you can sign up for A Year of Non-Magical Thinking here.

If you are not a resident of California but would still like the support of a trauma specialist, you can sign up for coaching here.

Read more about our approach to therapy:

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