Reparenting Your Inner Child: Healing the Past, Embracing the Present
“ The cry we hear from deep in our hearts comes from the wounded child within.”
Historically, psychotherapeutic approaches have focused on immediate solutions. This approach fits within our society’s desire for an accelerated pace and quick, tangible outcomes.
Our collective imagination does not see psychotherapy as a journey, a journey of returning to the inner wisdom that resides within us, a journey of infinite possibilities. On the contrary, society sees psychotherapy as a treatment-focused cure, where an expert provides magical strategies to regulate anxiety or mitigate stress, without discomfort or effort.
Don't get me wrong- tools are important in the therapeutic process. Nonetheless, tools are useless, if we do not understand our wounds that require tools to heal. Without the work of getting to know our internal system, we end up relapsing into the same dysfunctional patterns that continuously re-infect the wound.
When I ask myself: “What do all human beings have in common?” I always come to the same conclusion: we all have a wounded child that lives within us. That child may have been wounded by different systems and in different ways, (especially if the child belongs to a group oppressed by our homophobic, transphobic, racist, and classist society) but in the end, even if our identities are filled with privilege, we all have been injured, in one way or another in our early relational dynamics and that is part of being human.
It has been empirically validated that our lived experiences from birth to six years of age deeply influence who we are. During these first years of life, our brain absorbs all of our experiences and unconsciously develops survival strategies to navigate these complexities. These survival strategies help us resiliently adapt and change to get our primal needs met. As we grow older, these beliefs and survival strategies are reinforced, creating our way of being in the world. This is how we usually live; unconsciously recreating and repeating patterns. We get stuck in our self-protection mechanisms and over-identify with them.
The therapeutic path is one of awakening. On this path, we can be responsible for responding less automatically and more consciously to what life presents to us. On this journey, meeting that wounded child, who forever lives within us, is a complex, uncomfortable, and wonderful experience. The path leads to an understanding that many things are out of our control, but giving love, acceptance, compassion, and kindness to that child, and attending to their needs is within our control.
In re-parenting this inner child and healing old wounds, you will discover other parts of your being that need attention, acceptance and love, by the only person that can provide that healing: you. You will discover that providing space and love for these parts will help redirect your responses as an adult and will break patterns, not only within yourself but in your relationships with others. Your inner child will stop looking for evidence to reinforce the beliefs that got internalized by the wounds created in childhood and made them self-protect in the first place, because you are giving them space to express and feel safe in your body.
Some strategies that I use to help my clients in this challenging but rewarding journey of healing their inner child as a part of the therapeutic process are the following:
Guided meditations/visualizations to meet and have internal dialogues and provide a safe space for the inner child.
Somatically complete actions with and for your inner child, getting them out of unsafe situations, and allowing them to express emotions they couldn't express as children.
Write letters or keep a diary expressing love, gratitude, and forgiveness for your inner child as a part of integrating them into your system.
Experiential activities that involve breath, movement, and touch to have a profound and genuine interaction where the inner child can express their needs.
Engage in activities to bring joy to that inner child (dance, play, draw, color, sing, listen to music), connect with them, and ask them what they want to do and need from your adult self.
Use mantras/ affirmations with bilateral stimulation or grounding techniques to connect to your inner child (“you are safe” “your are loved” “you are safe feeling what you are feeling”)
Daring to heal requires courage as the journey of psychotherapy is sometimes uncomfortable. However, the satisfaction of finding a more authentic, imperfect, and complex way of being in the world every day is the most beautiful gift you can give to yourself and this world.
Check in with yourself now. How are you feeling? Need some extra support? Does somatic therapy sound like something you are interested in? Reach out today for a free 30-minute consultation to discover how trauma therapy can help you reach your wellness goals.
Interested in learning more about our unique approach to trauma therapy?
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