5 Myths About Codependency and People-Pleasing
There are many myths out there about codependency and the people-pleasing dynamics that many of us experience in our relationships, but I find that four main myths of codependency come up most frequently for those who are in therapy to address their people-pleasing patterns.
Myth 1: You have to keep working harder to solve this codependency problem.
Truth: Part of healing the dynamics of codependency and people-pleasing is allowing other people to match your hard work. In general, we want you to work less on solving the problems and chaos of everyone else in your life, and instead, focus on getting to know yourself. Allow others to do their part in relationships and come towards you in moments of need or stress.
Myth 2: You need to focus on other people more than yourself.
Truth: I know how tempting it is to pay close attention to other people and solve all of their issues. In fact, for a short season it will feel very uncomfortable when you stop doing that. But in reality, you must start focusing on yourself. Getting to know yourself, allowing yourself to have wants and needs, and allowing yourself to express those needs in relationships is how we move away from people-pleasing and more towards healthy interdependent relationships.
Myth 3: All my relationships will fall apart if I set boundaries.
Truth: This is a common worry for those who are trying to heal from their codependent patterns. If you frequently stress about disappointing others, you’ve likely also worried that setting boundaries will cause others to reject or abandon you. It takes some work but it's so important to break these myths in your life because boundaries are how relationships stay healthy.
Myth 4: It’s my job to figure out what others need to heal.
Truth: You won’t be able to manage or control someone else’s journey. This belief often stems from our childhood (“I have to manage others or everything will fall apart”) but it’s quite literally not true. You can’t manage others, even if you try. So, maybe you can make one small step today to let it go. Whatever you are trying to control or manage for others, try just accepting that they are on a separate journey from you.
“So what do I do now?”
Codependency work is important and necessary work. We have a few resources available to you:
Our online trauma and codependency education platform. We have ebooks and a full codependency course to help you navigate these challenges.
Meet any of our trained trauma therapists to help you address these myths and live a more balanced and connected life in your relationships.
Want to learn more about how your codependent patterns are causing you to betray yourself?
Want to learn more about the origins of codependency?
Are you asking yourself, “Am I codependent?” and want to know the signs of codependency?
