What is dissociation and why does it happen?
Dissociation is one way that the brain and body respond to difficult, trauma-induced emotions. It is the ultimate state of hiding or escaping from the intense danger that your body has registered either outside or inside yourself.
At a Glance…
Some have described dissociation as similar to floating outside of their bodies, being numb or disconnected, or barely existing. Many report feeling “not themselves” in this state, and lacking the capacity to care about themselves or others as if they’re a million miles away from themselves and their “real” lives.
Below, I discuss some basic ideas and common misconceptions about dissociation, its relationship to trauma, the purpose of the dissociative response, and common triggers.
What dissociation IS:
A trauma survival strategy
An important message from your body
Adaptive nervous system response
A byproduct of dorsal vagal collapse
Self-protection from unbearable physical, psychological, or emotional pain
A crucial adaptation in traumatic environments
Dissociation is triggered by:
Shame spirals
Humiliation
Terror
Traumatic memories
Helplessness or hopelessness
Self-criticisms—especially those that feed shame spirals
Believing yourself to be in great danger
Anticipation of punishment
Anticipation of severe pain (including abandonment pain, bodily harm, sexual coercion or manipulation, spiritual shaming, perceived failure, and many other types)
Dissociation and Memory
Many survivors report partial or complete gaps in memory where they can’t recall what they were saying, doing, thinking, or feeling during the episode.
Some describe a sense that their memories don’t feel quite right; they might be contradictory, unstable, or incomplete.
Emotional and cognitive memories might not match.
Because of the nature of dissociation, people often cannot identify what triggered the episode, making it particularly challenging to process in the aftermath.
Dissociation fragments the experience of our body, brain, and mind, and reduces our capacity to feel when feeling becomes unbearable. It is our emotional anesthetic—the body’s last resort. When we dissociate, we compartmentalize our thoughts, emotions, and somatic feelings. We have a sensation here, an image there, or a shocking emotion that seems to erupt out of thin air. The pieces don’t connect, and people are often left feeling shell-shocked, exhausted, and eager to put the experience out of their minds.
What dissociation IS NOT:
Emotional frailty
Evidence of brokenness
Highly unusual
Selfish, weak, or shameful
Your body betraying you
You being “difficult” or “antisocial”
Proof that you can’t tolerate difficult moments
So many trauma survivors struggle with this, so I want to be perfectly clear. You are not broken or weak. You’re here because you’re trying to understand and heal. You are NOT alone, bad, irreparable, or beyond help. Your body did the best it could to help you. It’s ok to need more help.
How Can I Protect Myself?
When dissociation leaves you breathless and unsure how to deal with what just happened, this might lead to avoidance, which is completely understandable...but avoidance also perpetuates trauma response patterns. This is why it’s so important to surround yourself with trustworthy people who can help you understand and work through these experiences, such as a trained trauma therapist, or at the very least, those who can respond with compassion, such as a good friend or family member.
*Note: please choose a support person who was not involved in causing the trauma.
Effective self-protection also means limiting your exposure to those who frequently gaslight, discount, shame, or minimize, as these responses can exacerbate the distress and confusion that tend to accompany dissociation.
It is common for those who experience dissociative episodes to feel compounding shame and isolation about their experiences. This will be especially true if you’re in relationships (of any kind) where you’re frequently gaslit or shamed.
In therapy, we work toward understanding and normalizing dissociative responses, remaining grounded and increasing safety during episodes, and building your capacity for self-compassion and inner-child nurturing. Have you experienced dissociation, or want help working through your trauma? California residents can book a free consultation with me or another one of our trauma-informed therapists. We provide virtual online therapy and have therapists who are trained in emdr therapy. We also offer many different types of trauma therapy groups and all of our therapists specialize in trauma informed care, and informed trauma therapy.
