How Do I Do ALL The Things???
Let’s say you’ve got a good handle on a couple of triggers you have. You thought you knew what put you in “The Bad Place,” but now you’ve got a couple more things that you’re aware of. Now you can recognize when you’re feeling terrible, and maybe even how you’re feeling, in general, a good amount of the time. That’s great! Let’s talk about actually *doing* all those things on that list.
Now, let’s say that to-do list graces your desk.
Tip #1: Differentiate between “perfect” you and “real” you.
I want you to imagine there are two people inside you: one is the perfect™️ one–they wake up at 5am, do yoga, write a poem to their best friends about how grateful they are that they’re alive and tear up at the thought of it (but, like, make the crying pretty), have something disgustingly “healthy” for breakfast that they magically love (of course they do, they’re perfect, after all), and they work without taking breaks until everything’s done with time for homemade lunch and dinner to spare; the other person is actually you.
Most of us compare ourselves to that supposedly perfect “self” (if you ask me, they’re less perfect and more…robotically dystopian and horrifying?). We just don’t all have PTSD, so we don’t all blame ourselves to the same extent for falling short of that impossible, imaginary goal.
Tip #2: Change your to-do list.
Step 1: Put dates next to the things on your list for when they absolutely have to get done. If they don’t have an absolute deadline, don’t put a date next to it. The goal here is to figure out what you actually need to do. Not what weirdly cheery, 5am-smiles-and-sunshine, “perfect” you can do.
Step 2: Check in with how you’re feeling. That means walk, tap & look, and breathe (techniques covered in the last blog post in this series), or practice another grounding exercise that helps you cue into what’s happening inside you.
Are you feeling neutral? If not, try continuing the activity or trying another one until you are. Our goal isn’t for you to fall in love with doing instead of being. It’s just to not be in distress while you’re completing the tasks.
Step 3: Once you’re back in a neutral place, pick one of the things that need to be done in the next 2 days. Break it up into the smallest parts. For example, if you’ve got to “pay the bills,” write down “open the mail” as step one. “Put bills in order from most to least urgent” can be step two. “Pay first bill” can be step three.
Step 4: For each of those steps, think through doing the task. Do you feel bad? Scared? Frozen? If something’s coming up for you, can you identify when a trigger might come up during any of those steps? If you can, write down what you might need in order to do this task without getting triggered, or too distressed at a minimum.
I’m talking about the you version of you. You know, the one who ate a cheerio once off the counter when you knew damn well you hadn’t bought cheerios in the past month.
You might need to pad a certain step with some time, gentleness, support, and/or compassion. That might mean making sure your (or someone else’s) furry companion is by your side. Or asking for some help from someone close to you, like:
Having someone text you “u can do this” while you take a first step
Having someone do one step, hand the task off to you, and then do the next one can help; momentum and some communal support vibes can be king
Having someone right by your side while you do the thing
All of the above are a-ok, and so very human to need when you’re doing something that feels dangerous.
Step 5: Check in with yourself again. Doing the thing is a big deal, but thinking about asking for help (let alone doing it) is huge. It means considering trusting someone with something your brain thinks is about immediate survival. You’re also dealing with something urgent that you’re probably blaming yourself for not having done it a week (or month) ago. And it might feel extra silly to have put something off that looks simple when you break it down, but it was loaded the moment it became urgent, wasn’t it? Loaded and difficult to think through when you didn’t feel as in touch with what’s happening inside you. That’s why we’re gathering some tools and breaking it down now. If it looks simple, that means you’re doing a great job.
Now that we’ve left brain-thought our way through why feeling bad, overwhelmed, silly, etc. would make sense, if you’re feeling anything but neutral, try walking, tapping and looking, breathing, and/or another grounding technique. Come back once you’re feeling (closer to) neutral again.
Step 6: Gather what you need to finish the steps for the thing, embarrassing inspirational quotes, furry companions, and/or support people included.
Try to go about this preparation phase however you can while feeling the most neutral. Today.
Step 7 (and 8, 9, etc.): Take the first step.
Check-in with yourself as you go. If you run into a trigger, step away and give yourself time to come back to the present. You deserve that much.
You’ll notice that this was just for one task. That’s by design. We can only take in so much at once, and if you see how one urgent task goes, you can feel more confident about how to move through the next, and the one after that, and so on.
This work is slow, and it’s not about simple anxiety. It’s about helping your brain post-trauma remember it’s safe while doing things that feel intense and emergent*. Moving slow and giving yourself time to adapt, adjust, and remember what’s going on is key. And when you do that again and again, you’ll train yourself to do these things a little more easily. This means more scaffolding for triggers and an ability to come back to neutral in the future, even under pressure.
That’s a great goal. And you don’t even have to put it on your to-do list! You’re going to be doing it just by following these steps.
So you’re not doomed to looming, growing lists of deadlines with a side of self-directed insults and increasingly low self-esteem. With a change in attack, you can accommodate (and even show compassion for) how you think, work, and feel while getting things done.
You’ve got this.
Did this ring true for you? Looking for a therapist who specializes in Complex PTSD and procrastination? Our therapists and coaches can help. Book a therapy or coaching appointment with our therapist matchmaker to begin your healing journey today. (Therapy is only available in CA.)
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These blogs talk more about the basics of EMDR:
You can read more about Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy here:
References:
*Kearney, B. E., & Lanius, R. A. (2022). The brain-body disconnect: A somatic sensory basis for trauma-related disorders. Frontiers in Neuroscience, 16. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnins.2022.1015749