One of the most obvious and painful parts of religious trauma is the sexual repression that is often baked into the theology, dogma, or rules of our religious communities. Because sexuality is such a personal and unavoidable part of the human experience, those that are repressed tend to feel traumatized by their identities being denied and “in the name of God.” 

Here are a few of the big categories of sexual repression that show up in our religious environments: 

Denial of any sexual expression until deemed “appropriate” by leaders. 

In fact, sexual expression is typically made into the “ultimate sin” and so much of the pulpit and teaching time is spent trying to control what happens in one’s body through sexual arousal, expression, and identity. This makes congregants work very hard to “follow the rules”, lest they find themselves in hell for expressing any sexuality. This tends to make a biological process and our relational instincts questionable “in the eyes of God.”  Our bodies become enemies to manage and repress, rather than understand, manage, or celebrate. 

Here are some of the things you might have heard in the teachings in a dogmatic or repressive religious environment: 

• “Sexual sin….”: This is when almost anything sexual is combined with the word “sin” and it leaves us feeling like all sexual expression is sinful. 

• “Only have sex after marriage”: This creates a limit of what is considered appropriate by the church without a realistic view of sexual interaction or expression, relationships, consent, or healthy interaction. 

• “Accountability partners” set up with single people are dating to make sure they meet the expectations for “sexual purity” 

Denial of sexuality spectrums and heterosexuality is the only acceptable version of human sexuality. 

This one really grinds my gears because of the vast historical and scientific knowledge we have about human sexuality. It’s also problematic that church congregants spend an exceptional amount of money on lobbying for laws that discriminate, hurt, and repress the very people they say are made in god’s image.

You might see this play out in the following ways: 

• LGBTQIA+ and non-binary folks are not allowed in leadership positions 

• LGBTQIA+ and non-binary folks are not allowed to be members of most religious congregations 

• LGBTQIA+ and non-binary folks are not allowed to form families (by law legislated and lobbied for by religious/evangelical moral rights) and be supported by the resources within the church community. 

Women are the gatekeepers to men’s sexual experience. 

We often hear the trope of “boys will be boys” with an incredible amount of leeway given for boys’ sexual exploration or expression (as long as it’s straight sexuality) but women are seen as sluts for participating in the same behavior. Yikes. It’s worth pointing out that the policing of clothes and sexuality in women does TWO things at once: It sexualizes them (otherwise why would they need to cover up) and shames them for being sexualized (when they didn’t even ask to be sexualized in the first place).

You might see this playing out in the following ways: 

• Co-ed summer camps for kids require long shirts over one-piece bathing suits for girls but no shirts for boys. 

• Measuring the amount of cloth missing above the knee for girls but not for boys

• Shaming over bodily features, such as breasts, and required to cover up anything that makes others uncomfortable. 

• Women are seen as sexually ruined or impure if they have sexual experiences before marriage.  Men are seen as acceptable and even accepted for the same sexual behavior or history. 

Why are churches and religious organizations so dedicated to the sexual control and repression of their congregants (and even those outside of the congregation)? My friend, Stephanie Drury, says that if you can control someone’s sexuality, you can control their whole lives— and that makes a ton of sense to me. If we can bury enough shame, self-doubt, and self-consciousness around sexual drive and behavior, then we can pretty quickly change the decisions that whole generations make for themselves. 

We’ve got some work to do in church cultures around sexuality. I wonder what would happen if we stopped trying to control sexual expression and started worrying much more about safe, consensual, and humanizing interactions with others. THAT, in my opinion, is community….and safe community, at that.

If you need a mental health professional to help you better understand religious trauma and its impact on relationships, you can sign up for a free 30-minute consultation with our therapist matchmaker. She’ll help you find the best therapeutic fit. (California residents only).

All therapists at Woven Together Trauma Therapy are trauma-informed and specialize in treating all forms of trauma. We also offer EMDR therapy, Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy, and Brainspotting therapy which all have shown to be extremely effective in treating and healing trauma. Want to read more about our unique therapy options?

These blogs talk more about the basics of EMDR therapy:

• What is EMDR?

• EMDR: Your Questions Answered

• Woven’s Approach to EMDR

You can read more about Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy here:

• What to Expect in Your First Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy Session

If you would like to learn more about Brainspotting therapy, check out our blog: What is Brainspotting?